Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
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