The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
