This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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