It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
