i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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