Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
