my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
