Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
