Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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