Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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