man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
