The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
