you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
