I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
