i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
