Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
