just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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