I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
