Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
