I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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