So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
