why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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