paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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