Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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