Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
