Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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