I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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