Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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