Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
