I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
