ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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