gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
His hands were made for my vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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