A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
