Can Purell be used as lube?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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