I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
