shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
