I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
And then he peed in my hair
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