yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
