I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
