All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
