I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You need Xanax blowdarts
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
God I need to hump something, right now.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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