Dual....:-)
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
