barbara walters just said penis...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
