If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
