He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
