Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
