wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
