i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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