Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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