So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
